Dangerous Words

Fuck it, I’m saying it:

I miss you, my love.

Now, you are just splashes of light and dark, color and paleness, drifting away as my screen scrolls.


We are on a road, somewhere near Ojai. It is the perfect February day: crisp and clear, but not cold. We have a destination, but it isn’t important at this moment.

I look over at you, and am overcome with your loveliness. For the millionth time, I wonder how, with all the reasons why not, we are together. But we are.

And in my mind, I am holding you, just to feel who you are. I drive on, in a rare state of contentment.

Fast forward to That Day. 

Nothing could have prepared me for the devastation I witnessed. I could not fathom the lost self-possession that had been your hallmark. Yes, you were crazy, now. The demons you’d fought for a quarter of a century had taken advantage of a lull in your defenses, swarmed the battlements, and taken even the high tower where you had made your final refuge.

I know you fought bravely and hard, for a long time. This was not weakness.

But they took you, and now you are just words on a social networking site.

A constant reminder that I still do not wish to avoid.

Los Angeles, October 26, 2014


One thought on “Dangerous Words

  1. Wow! That was so powerful and beautiful. Your works evoked the struggle and feelings so amazingly. I am having trouble finding words to describe my reaction.

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